Never did I ever...
Never did I ever think I would be writing a blog! Mind you, never did I ever think I'd get a diagnosis of cancer!! Do people even read blogs these days? Aren't all the cool kids doing vlogs?!? Maybe this is something to aim for in the future... or maybe not! I don't think I'll be earning my platinum YouTube button anytime soon!! So for the meantime I'll stick with the old fashioned written word. Someone pass me a quill!!
It starts...
So I thought I'd kick this off by explaining how this all came about. I consider myself a relatively healthy person (I mean, I eat quinoa for goodness sake, how much healthier do I need to be?!). I'm not overweight, I eat a healthy diet... yes things such as pizzas, deep fried brie and Haribo sometimes venture onto my plate but I eat fruit on a regular basis and there's always veg hanging out in the fridge. I don't smoke, I walk my dog every day, I practice yoga (when I get round to it) and I've just joined a local rugby team. So when I heard the words "I believe you have cancer" it was a complete shock. So much so that I don't think the words sank in for days... maybe even weeks. In fact, I don't really know if it's completely sank in now!!
Around September 2019 I remember sitting on my sofa eating my dinner and noticing that my food was becoming difficult and was somewhat uncomfortable to swallow. I didn't think anything of it and put it down to sofa-eating and rushing my food. This continued and then in November I started burping a lot more than usual and the burps had an odd taste to them so I made an appointment with my GP. After explaining my symptoms my GP referred me for an endoscopy and explained that the endoscopy appointment should come through within two weeks. Well, within two weeks I'd had my endoscopy, had an informal diagnosis, met my Macmillan nurse and been referred to a dietitian. It all happened very fast! And all two days after my 40th birthday.
I don't know if you've ever had an endoscopy before (it was my first) but they're bloody awful things! An endoscopy is a procedure where a long, thin, flexible tube (the endoscope) that has a light source and camera at one end is inserted into your stomach via your mouth. The medic then inflates your stomach by passing air through the endoscope so that they can have a good look round. It's basically like an unexpected house viewing where you're just praying that you've tidied up and haven't left all your undies drying on the radiator for all to see!!
Before the procedure I was offered a throat numbing spray or light sedation. As you need someone else to drive you home after light sedation I opted for throat spray. I mean, I was going bowling with the rugby lads after my appointment and I was hoping for some strikes!! And although I wasn't operating any heavy machinery I'm sure a bowling ball in the wrong hands could be a dangerous thing!
Retching and ID badges...
I hadn't told anyone I was going for the endoscopy, after all I didn't think anything serious would come of it and I didn't want to scare anyone. The procedure itself took around 15 minutes, as it came to an end the medic removed the endoscope, I sat up and sorted my face out (endoscope + gag reflex = watery eyes, runny nose and retching). The medic came over and explained that he'd found two growths, one in my oesophagus and one in my stomach (these turned out to be one lump that had grown through from my oesophagus into my stomach) and from the look of them and the symptoms that I had explained he believed that I had cancer. Those words went straight over my head... I asked to look at the biopsies they had taken, I thanked the nurse for helping comfort me during the endoscopy procedure (she was a hair stroker), gathered my stuff and went through to the recovery area. Looking back it was all very surreal.
In the recovery area I was more concerned about the air that they had inserted into my stomach trying to make a noisy and embarrassing escape than anything else. As I was sat waiting to go home the lovely nurse who I'd spoken to before the endoscopy came to find me and went through the paperwork I'd been given by the medic, again the word 'cancer' flew past me without it registering. Then a member of staff, Trish, entered my bay, sat on the hospital bed next to my chair and introduced herself as a Clinical Specialist Nurse. I instantly liked her and we chatted. As we were discussing the endoscopy I happened to glance down at her ID badge and read the words 'Macmillan Nurse', my brain kicked in and I remember thinking "This sh*t just got real!"
And so begins the next chapter of my life - getting my head around being a cancer sufferer, telling people the news and wondering not only what my new life will entail but how long my life would be now.